I have made my mom proud!

Okay...I should probably clarify that I tend to think that I always make my mom proud...and I think she would write that in the comments section for me...but I've taken another step in my life that I think makes her really proud of me. You see...for my 20th birthday my mom gave me a sewing machine. I was super excited about getting it...I was living out in South Dakota that summer and they came out to visit and celebrate my birthday with me. I was so excited that I went to the little Ben Franklin (anyone remember those?!?) out there to start buying supplies 'cause I was going to sew. Well I got my stuff bought...and then I realized...I don't know how to sew! I mean...yeah...I can follow a line and put my stitch in but really...I don't know how to sew...let alone operate this sewing machine my mom bought for me. So you know what I did?!? I didn't even open up the box...I didn't take it out...I just left it in there! I have had moments in the last 8 years that I have wanted to take it out...but never felt I had the time. So...a couple weekends ago my mom and I finally got together and she taught me how to sew and how to use my machine...and let me tell you...it's a lot easier to use than I thought it would be! I know how to thread it and how to put thread on my bobbin (not bobber...I had to remember that!)...those were the two things I was really worried about learning. Well I'm not saying that I am an expert by any means but...I think I did a pretty good job for my first time! I still need to learn to control the speed of my foot pedal and my stitches still need a little work to stay in a straight line...but I think I'm getting the hang of it...which I'm really glad for 'cause I've seen a lot of cute projects that require sewing so now I can attempt to do them! :) And I want to give back to the hospitals 'cause they gave so much to us when Emmalee, Owen, and Cooper were born...we got special blankets with each of them that people donated...so I want to be able to give back because I know how much it meant to us to have them. But man...the one real thing I learned about sewing is that fabric is expensive! WoW! Oh well...it's the price you pay when you have a hobby...am I right scrapbookers!?! And really it's a small price when you enjoy something and you know your work is going to a good cause. So anyway...here's my work:



This was my first project...a quilt made out of scraps that my mom had at her house...I think it turned out pretty cute for only being scraps! But it was a nice way to learn and piece fabrics together...I was pretty proud of myself (if you can't tell!)



Then we went shopping and I picked out some fabric for myself...I had seen this blanket (or one kind of like it) in a magazine...I just liked that it was colorful and all the fabric had polka dots (if you can't tell...it's a little hard to tell from this picture and I think it's so much cuter in person!)...so I made this for hopefully a little one of my own someday...but until then it actually is a very nice little lap blanket...I was way proud of how this one turned out! :o)



Then I just wanted to show you the underside of the blanket...its called minkie (I think) and it's really soft and is textured with...polka dots!




Then I attempted to make a purse...not bad, eh?!? I'm going to keep working on my purse skills and maybe look for a different pattern...but I think it's pretty cute! Okay...I'm done patting myself on the back.

In other news...well there really isn't any other news. Sorry I've been MIA again...just sorting through things and really...it's been busy around here. I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is this week! Crazy! Happy Thanksgiving to all of you...where are you going to be? Hopefully surrounded by family, friends, and lots of good food! And then with Christmas only being 4 weeks away...yes I said it!...work is getting awfully busy...so I'm sorry that I haven't gotten on here to give any updates. No real updates on adoption...the baby girl is still with the friend of the birthmom and supposedly they are going to be adopting her now...and changing her name...which was a big sticking point with the birthmom (she was dead set on us keeping her name)...so why they are changing it now...I don't know...but I do think more and more that we were part of some twisted game that this friend was playing with us. Poor baby girl...I hope she makes it through life alright. Jon and I were looking through the foster care website MN has and it just breaks my heart to see all these kids in foster care...they are mostly teenagers...their parents obviously thought they could raise them and then couldn't...messed most of them up for life by the sounds of it...one little girl can't even go to a park with a lot of people there 'cause she gets too scared! One little boy can't have any other siblings in a home because he needs that much one on one time! I don't know...my heart breaks for them and yet right now I personally don't think that I have the energy it would take to bring one of them into our home. Maybe someday. I just hope that they all get placed with good families...but I know that's just wishful thinking. I just wish that our laws looked out for the innocent children instead of the birthparents who really don't have any business becoming parents...I know I know...everyone has a right to become parents...but look at these kids and tell me that they don't deserve a chance. I have heard it said before in the adoption circle...if people who had these children had to go through the paperwork and all that we've gone through there would be a whole lot less messed up kids in this world...and sorry to say...I think it's true. Anyway...I'll get off my soapbox...I sure do get up there a lot on here don't I?!? Anyway...we are still praying for a Christmas miracle...wanna help us pray for that! My dear friend Chelsea said that they are praying that way...thanks Chels and Phillip! And I thank you all for praying for us and coming along side of us through this journey. You know...maybe kids aren't what God has for us and I think that will become clear someday if that is true...but right now I don't believe that and I think someday we'll be blessed with a houseful! Well I guess that's the news on our end...I probably left something out. Hope you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving and I'll try not to make it so long in between next time...I know I know...I always say that! Take care!

So I felt the need to post...

Yes...I did feel the need to post something on here...I felt that I came off sounding a little mad in my last post and so I wanted to apologize to you all for that. I really am not mad...a little sad...maybe...a little bummed...yeah...but I'm not mad. And I've now had a few days to really sort through all of this and I'm doing a lot better. I am not jaded by the whole process...in fact we are already in the book again...we figure we might as well not waste any time for people to see our profile. And yes I do still think there are things about the whole adoption process that still are not great...but maybe, just maybe I'll be able to help do something about them someday. Like the whole wait time...the backing out time...here in Minnesota it is 10 working days...that's 14 days total...I think that is too much time...I think it makes the birth parents wonder if they are doing the right thing since we give them that much time and tell them that they can back out if they want to within the 14 days. I think that it makes them question their decision that much more. And I know it's a very important decision...one that takes a lot of thought process... trying to decide if this is what they really want. But when they sign the papers they should be at a place in the decision making process that they are ready to just sign and be done. They should not be able to change their mind and devastate another couple. Because I'm sorry...once you find out that there might be a baby for you...and especially once you get to meet that baby...people may tell you don't get your hopes up...guard your heart...but once all that happens it's so hard to do...your hopes are already up...way up. And I'm glad that Jon and I are people that fully give our hearts and jump in with both feet. I'm glad to live life that way...it's a good feeling to give without reserves...even if it means that your heart may get broken. Nothing ventured...nothing gained. So anyway...I write this post to try to soften the way I might have sounded in my last post. We really are excited where God is taking us. And we are really excited to hopefully build our family through adoption. We think it's an amazing opportunity to be given. We can't wait to meet our new member of our family. And selfishly...we hope that it is sooner rather than later! On to other news...well...there really isn't any other news. A couple Fridays ago Jon and I went to a Joel Hanson concert in the cities. He was playing in a church up there and having his CD release party/concert. It was really good...but I've always loved Joel. We even were seated right across the aisle from his wife and daughters...it was really fun seeing his one daughter get into the music with her little friend. You could tell that they were hoping that they were getting his attention...I think they did :) And other than that we are just busy with work...Jon is trying to get the crops out but the weather hasn't cooperated very well...too much moisture...we sure could have used a little of it this summer. And now all the leaves are changed and are falling off the trees. And did you know that there is only 8 weeks left until Christmas?!? Crazy huh?!? I just counted it out today as I was making appointments for people...the crazy time is about to begin in my line of work...I better get rested up! Well thank you for all your prayers...we sure do appreciate them. Have a great rest of the week!

Sorry for being MIA

I swear...I had good reason for not being on here...I was so hoping that the next time I posted I would have news that would knock your socks off...but alas...I don't...I only have sad news...boo. Anyway...I'll start from the beginning...and I swear...I'll give you the short version! We got that call on September 29th...you know...the call that all hopeful adoptive parents dread and look forward to all at the same time. We got the call that there was a little baby girl, who was 7 weeks old, who needed a home. A friend of the birthmom was actually the one who called us and asked us all the questions. She liked us and I asked if we could meet with her and the birthmom...she was very excited to meet us and we set it up for the very next day. We met for lunch...we totally fell in love with that little girl...and we really liked the birthmom and friend too. All our fears were put to rest...you know...the fears of will we be able to love this little girl as much as we loved Emmalee, Owen, and Cooper. The answer is definitely yes. We would. That afternoon we got a call from the friend that said the birthmom had chosen us...yea! That evening we got a text message from the birthmom that said she was sorry but the birthfather would not agree to sign papers...better luck next time (those weren't her exact words...but pretty close). Urgh...frustration...and right before bed...let me tell you...I didn't sleep very good that night! That Thursday was an awful day...and then the birthmom decided that if he wasn't willing to sign she would take him to court and and take away his rights. One little known fact is that the birthfater is in jail right now and he was still awaiting his sentencing...we were told that he was looking at a minimum of 6 months with a max of 2 years. So...the adoption was back on. Meanwhile, the birthmom was tired of being a mom (they also have a 2 year old together) and so she gave the little girl to the friend to take care of. The friend lives in Burnsville so she would call us and see if we wanted to come up and spend time with her...well...yeah we would. We also got our birthmom in contact with a birthparent counselor at our agency, which took a lot of the pressure off of us. So for the next week it was a constant up and down battle...almost like they were playing games with us. The birthfather did get sentenced and guess what he got...2 months in a workhouse! Can you believe it! There is something wrong with the world...not enough space to hold all these guys...so 2 months! You know what they should do...harsher punishments so that people don't commit crimes! Urgh! But...he said he'd still go along with the adoption...he would sign papers...'cause that's what the birthmom wanted. So when they finally got him moved over and settled in they went up there to sign papers. That was the 13th...on the 27th at 1:30 baby girl would be ours! Well this last week seemed to be going fine...talked to the birthmom and she seemed like she was really excited...she got a new job, she moved, she was out partying...all the while baby girl was in the care of this friend (who is actually the birthgrandma's friend...have I made this complicated?!?)...we did not trust this friend too much as she was telling us that she was sleeping with the baby and then one day couldn't find her and here she was under the covers...and she gave her a bottle of water...and she was taking her to her cleaning jobs....and she took her to a bonfire when it was freezing outside and kept her up until 3 a.m. Needless to say we just kept praying for her safety and we were getting pretty antsy to get her out of that environment. Well...Sunday everything came to a head. Birthmom called her counselor and told her that she couldn't handle all this adoption stuff anymore...birthfather couldn't handle not being able to see the baby anytime he wanted so she was just going to have to be done. Monday she signed the paperwork to stop the adoption. To say that we are bummed is an understatement. But more importantly we just feel so bad for this little baby girl, who has no choice in the whole matter. She is going to grow up in a family with a mother who resents her (she said on more that one occasion that she doesn't want her and doesn't want to be her mother), she is going to grow up in a family where she sees her father having so much control over her mother, she is going to grow up in a family where the cycle is to get pregnant as a teenager (both grandma and grandma's friend were 16 year old moms and birthmom was 18), and she is going to grow up in a family who already has proven to make very poor choices. That is unless God comes into their lives and turns it all around! And that's what we are praying for. We know that we cannot do anything more to save this little girl (who we fell so in love with...did I mention that?!?) but we can pray for her. God brought her into our lives for a reason. What that reason is I don't quite know yet. I don't know if it's just so that I can be praying for her for the rest of her life...which I will do. Or if somehow through all this we have made an impact on her mom and this friend. One little detail I left out was that this little girl was placed before...right after she was born. And again...the birthfather changed his mind. The birthmom did try to replace her with that couple but I guess they were so mean to her that she sought out another couple (which was us). So...we've just really tried to be really nice. Which was so hard to do...you just wanted to shake them and ask them why. We still have so many questions that I don't plan on ever having answered. One of them would be....were you just playing us (remember...I told you the short version of the story...everyday there was good news and bad news...and I'm not even kidding...it has been a very very stressful 2 weeks...I think I'd take Emmalee in the hospital any day over these last weeks)...they made lots of mentions about how they needed diapers and how the friend was loosing money 'cause she couldn't do some of her cleaning jobs. But we were smart and didn't give them any money...only a few outfits for baby to wear. So...we don't know...maybe we were put through this process to help change the adoption laws. We felt that we were very unprotected through out this and we feel very jaded by the whole process. The birthparents are given too many rights and they are allowed to play with peoples emotions. I don't think people realize that the people who are adopting are people who have already experienced heartache and who have been trying to have a family for years...there are very few cases of people who are just getting started at trying to have a family that are adopting. Most of us have been through years of heartbreak and so these games that they are allowed to play are just plain wrong. You know who else isn't protected...the innocent babies. Oh I just feel so sorry for them. My heart will mend...their lives will always be affected. Well I think I'll be done for now. I will probably post more later when I can think through it more...right now I feel like I could just go on and on...but that's not fair to you...it would be a lengthy post! I am just going to ask you now...right now...to pray for this little girl and her family. Pray that God would surround her and send the right people into her lives so that she can learn about Him and come to love and serve the God that we know and love. And just pray for her family to start making the right decisions so that the cycle doesn't continue. And you could pray for us...we are disappointed, sad, and wondering why we just can't become parents...at least once! And why our parents can't become grandparents...it's so hard...we really did believe that this was going to work out. Well...thanks again for coming along with us on this journey of ours. We love you all!

Happy Fall Y'all!

Well I figured that it was fall now...the temperatures have dropped (I love it), the leaves are changing (I love it), and it's almost October! Yep...fall is in the air! So it was time for a change of scenery on the blog :) Nothing too new with us...sorry...no big update here! I do want to do a shout out to my friend Danielle who had her first baby today (lucky duck!)...welcome to the world baby Dean...we are glad that you are here! Like I said...nothing too new with us so it will be a short post today. Hope all is well for you all out there. Thanks for checking in...and...Happy Fall Y'all!

The last of them...

Okay...so here's the last of the scrapbook pages for the adoption scrapbook. Sorry it's take me so long to get them on here...these last few weeks have flown...I didn't even know we were busy! Nothing new on the adoption front...there has been some activity on the website lately....the adoption agency has a website where birthmoms can go and look at peoples profiles...once a couple has been chosen it says chosen next to their name. Well when we first went on there was one couple chosen and that was it...up until last week. Now there are 6 new couples that have been chosen...one couple was even put on after us (that went fast...for them)! So now I told Jon that I can't go on there anymore (although I will!) 'cause it just makes you crazy! Anyway...I just keep telling myself that the baby that's suppose to be ours just isn't ready yet and in due time we will get that call :) Otherwise nothing too new for us. We just had the Defeat of Jesse James Days here so that means the end of summer. We had some family come in so it was fun showing them around. I'll have to get some pictures on here of that...although Ellie took most of the pictures so I'll have to wait for her to send me a disk with them on there...hurry up Ellie! Just kidding! Well...hope this finds all of you doing well. I'll try not to make it so long in between! Oh...and if you haven't checked out Emma, Owen and Cooper's blog you'll have to do that. We set the boys' stone and it looks so nice...there are pictures on the blog of that...I'll have to get some on here sometime of the guys setting the stone...they were He-Men (or He-Man...does anyone remember that cartoon?!?) and lifted that huge stone down by themselves...no equipment involved...crazy guys...well...I'll save that for another day...enjoy the scrapbook pictures!



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The Latest Installment

Hey there everyone! Here are some more scrapbook pages for you! :)


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Page 14 (Do you like how I did the "stitching" on the lettering?! I thought it was pretty clever and turned out really cute)

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So there you have it...I still have a few more to post for you guys but I didn't want to overwhelm you ;) Nothing too new on our front...we are still in the book and we are still waiting :) Work has been busy...back-to-school time! Everyone has to get looking good :) The Bible Study is going good...it's not to late to join if you want...come and check us out! Oh...and I was always going to post the link to our church's sermons and I forgot to do that...so click here and you will be taken right to them. I am such a slacker and the one I thought was really good is no longer on there...but they are all good...Pastor Reigstad is such a gifted speaker and preacher...we are very blessed to have him!

Well I hope you all have a wonderful week!

It's up!

Hi there! Just wanted to let you know that the Bible Study blog is now up! It still needs a little tweaking...so I'll be doing that as time goes on but for now...I think it's a good start! We will be starting tomorrow (Wednesday) but we're going to take it slow at first so if you don't see this post for a little while...then just know it's not too late for you to join in! Okay...so here's the address:

http://www.feldmanbiblestudy.blogspot.com/

I really didn't want to name it that...I didn't want it to have my name in it at all because I just don't feel like it's my thing...I think it's for all of us...I just happen to be the one who got it up and going...but...would you know...there are a lot of blogs out there...and every name that I tried someone already had that blog! So...I thought...why not...at least it would be easy for you all to remember since all my other blogs have started out with Feldman (feldmanbaby...feldmancrew). So there you have it. Hope to see you over there as well!

Also, I'd like to answer the couple questions that I got from my last post:

Q: Can you adopt just from Minnesota or can you adopt from anywhere in the US?

A: Yes...we can adopt from anywhere...we completed our homestudy so that makes us able to adopt anywhere domestically. Now if we get a baby through the agency then that baby will be from Minnesota (most likely) but no, we are able to adopt from anywhere else in the U.S. We would just need to find a lawyer in that state to represent us...different legal stuff in different states and our lawyer from MN isn't able to practice out of state. So..good question...if anyone knows of anyone looking to give up their baby for adoption, we are willing to travel :)

Q: Does your scanner scan 12x12?

A: I wish! No...actually the pages I did for the adoption scrapbook had to be 8x8 (my first time scrapbooking that size...usually I do 12x12) so they fit perfectly on my scanner. I do know that they have scanners that size, but unfortunately mine isn't...I would like to do the same thing and back up some of my scrapbooks!

Well I guess that's it...I'd better run and get ready for work! Have a great day!